Well hello there...

So, lets just say I am a hardcore slacker when it comes to this thing. My friends have an assignment for one of their classes to write a blog, so it inspired me to catch up on mine. A lot has happened in my life. I am working on the third month of my last semester of undergrad. This is scary for me because I need to begin making decisions that are legitimately going to affect my future. The plan tentatively for now is to go to seminary in January and be looking into going overseas in the next few years.

This is where it gets real scary. A few weeks ago I talked to a missionary about the calling I feel to go overseas. He was very honest and open with me. My questions were: do I need to have a husband? is it biblical of me to do missions? what can I do in being single? The missionary really set my mind at ease and encouraged me to go to missions meetings and whatnot. HOWEVER, it is crazy to see just how quickly Satan will try to get you to go the opposite way of where Christ wants you to go. Basically since I made the decision to go overseas and do missions. Satan has been putting things in my way that have made me cower at the idea. I knew this and yet I still let those things consume me to a certain extent. One thing though is that it is so awesome to see God be victorious over those things. Basically I have been blessed because God has shut the door on many of the desires that I had that if fulfilled would put an end to my sharing his gospel with the world through missions overseas.

Basically we serve a great God and we do not show our appreciation enough. This is another thing I have noticed in my life. I am working to change this and know that one day I will be strong and I will follow God's calling for me...stay tuned...

Oh the lessons we will learn...

Isn't it so crazy how it seems that no matter what trial we go through there is a lesson to be learned and how often that lesson is one that we have learned previously. After a good discussion with one of my best friends the other night, I have just really been baffled and frustrated with myself about this. Not about the discussion but about the lessons that we seem to learn only to have to learn them again. When there is something that you feel like you took such a struggle to learn and then another challenge comes your way and you have to learn it again. A bit of encouragement I have been able to take has been that God is sovereign and in control. When we surrender to Him then He keeps us on a path that might not be easy but is going in the right direction...so no matter how many times I have to learn the same lesson, I want to keep my eyes on the Lord and then it doesn't matter...stay tuned...

Really!?!

So there have been a lot of moments here lately that I have just had time to think, which can be a VERY dangerous thing! I tend to overanalyze things....a lot. This gets me into lots of trouble especially in the boy department. Not that it really matters, but one thing I have learned is that in life sometimes you just have to do something rather than think excessively about it. I am not suggesting that people just completely throw caution to the wind, but I do believe that some people do think too much and then end up being cowardly because they think of everything that can go wrong. So here is my challenge. Do something that you have always wanted to do, but are to scared to do it. I believe that as long as you are giving glory to God in all that you do then you have nothing to worry about. So yeah...just a little thought upon looking back at my summer. Stay tuned...

About time we meet again.

So I was hanging out with some friends the other night playing a rousing game of Truth or Dare. I know that it sounds pretty immature for college students and graduates to be playing such a juvenile game, but it was. However, after leaving the friend's house on whom we imposed until two in the morning, I had the thought of what other people our age were doing at that time as well. I even began to think about what I would have been doing had we not all had something in common--Our Faith and honestly even our University. Many kids would be playing beer pong or doing shots, us instead we chose to get to know each other in a fun and very obtrusive way with coffee or sodas in hand.
Honestly, I have been struggling lately with wanting to rebel, but then knowing that I would feel guilty if I did and wondering where that comes from. I know that I am saved and that I have the Holy Spirit in me, but I also struggle with human desires. I am also a woman. While many would laugh at the idea of me worrying about marriage and such I find it to be a reality in my life of something I desire. I know though, that Christ is really the fulfillment I am looking for and I don't obey or listen or have the patience that I should so in my mind I am not fulfilled and am looking for more. But what more is there than the Creator of our universe. What more is there than the man who died and paid for my sins. What more is there than someone who although we constantly spit in His faith wants a relationship with us. What I have learned is that if I think there is more it is because I am not allowing myself to understand what all my God has to offer. He alone is who fulfills me, but I have to let Him...
just a thought....stay tuned...

Show and Tell

I am very typically one to shy away from the Christian "self-help" books. I have tried to read them, but time and time again they just seem to go off the deep end on some tangent that really has nothing to do with my life at the time I am reading them, but there is a book that I have recently picked up that has been able to keep my attention. It is called, Beautiful Things Happen When A Woman Trusts God. This book has really opened my eyes to some things. The woman who wrote the book isn't afraid to get personal, but she doesn't dwell on herself either. The other day I was reading from it and when I read the following quote I couldn't help but write it down:

From your limited human perspective, it may look as if I am mismanaging things. But
you don't know what I know, or see what I see. If I pulled back the curtain and let you
see the Heavenly realms you would understand much more. However, I have made you to
live by faith not by sight.

I really liked this a lot. Certain circumstances that have come about in my life have me wanting to know what is going to happen in my future a lot more recently. I am worried about who I am going to marry, who I am going to date first though, what to do after I graduate. These things I know are no different than the things that the average person my age deals with. It is just strange to me because of recent events I feel like some of the answers to these questions may be postponed.

It is really crazy how God works and is completely different than what we could imagine. I am really thankful that God has a plan because my plans, frankly suck. Things that God is teaching me that I want to pass on are: one just because you find someone who you think meets all your qualifications that you want in a husband, does not mean that is who God has for you; do the right thing even when it seems that people will be upset at you for it; and always have communication with the Lord. Whether you are praising him, or begging him to get you out of a desert, or you are frustrated with Him. Pour yourself out before Him. He knows everything anyways so you might as well just tell Him instead of the guilt just riding on your shoulders.

I know I got a little carried away, but that is what happens when my workload is light on Sunday afternoon...Stay tuned...

City on a Hill: Liberty

My friends and I always joke that we could have a pretty successful TV show of our lives. Something like Jersey Shore or the Hills. We would laugh because we really thought our lives were petty drama...Well I wish I could just tell you how wrong we were. There is so much that has gone on since January that I don't know if I could even fit it all into a book...okay probably, but that isn't the point. The point is why does the drama continue. I am a Junior/ Senior in college and I feel like my life has gotten more dramatic since high school. There are bigger pressures looming, though I guess. In high school your biggest decisions upon finishing up your career there is whether or not to go to college or work and then where you are going to do that. Once you get in college marriage is always preoccupying your thoughts (or at least this is how it is at Liberty). Another thought if you aren't getting married is where you are going to work, where are you going to live, how are you going to pay off your loans. I am at such a loss for the answers to these questions. BUT I know that God will direct my path. Even though it seems that nothing I planned is happening; even though I have no idea where the Lord is going to lead me. I am going to follow in faith. He is the only solid thing I have in my life. Family is not solid, they'll let you down, friends aren't solid, they'll let you down, a career is not solid, it'll let you down. I can't help but to think of the verse that talks about keeping your eyes on things above because they are eternal and not on earthly things for they are temporal. Just a thought while I am in Daniel Revelation

Stay tuned...

How Great is Our God

So...I just want to say that our Lord is amazing. I am human and unfortunately there are times when I won't look to God first to satisfy me. This is something that is hard for me to swallow, but if I am brutally honest it is true. My hearts desire is that I would be fully satisfied with Him, but how can I, when I am constantly seeking approval of man and worldly things.

All of this to say I love how the Lord fights for us when we go astray. I am not saying that I have completely ventured of the path, but I had for some time been searching for something different to satisfy me than my Lord. It is difficult for me to fathom why I would do this when I know the truths, but as I alluded in my previous post, I have trouble transmitting it from my head to my heart.

Anyways to get on with it, the Lord has shown Himself so much in this week. For various reasons this week has been draining. It has been one of my most difficult weeks in a long time, but also God has shown Himself to me in innumerable ways this week. Maybe it is because I have been so broken and just searching for something of hope, I don't know. What I do know is, is that the Lord provides people and different situations to come into our lives that point us to Him or make us at least begin to understand the reason for the lesson He is teaching us.

My lesson right now: God is teaching me to find all my satisfaction in Him. I am in no way stating that I have found the secret to succeeding at mastering this lesson, but I know that it is something that I haven't been doing. I have been wanting to find my value in friendships, in ministry, and in a relationship. Several random instances have stuck out to me where they have convicted me.

The first: I am taking a class on marriage and family and my professor spoke of an author who was talking about how because of the fall of man and the curse that fell on women we desire our husbands to fulfill us in the way that only God can, and search for this and are found wanting because it is an impossible task for men. He pointed out that this was an effect of the curse, but it didn't have to be this way. It is not the way God intended it to be. This got me thinking. Do I want a husband because I think that he will complete me or satisfy me?

The second: One day I was feeling down on myself for being the only one of my close friends who is not in a relationship, and my friend Sarah brought up a wonderful point. It wasn't necessarily something that I wanted to hear, but after thinking on it, it makes sense and I guess I already knew it, but hearing her say it was something that I needed to jolt me into understanding. She pointed out that while I was the only one without a relationship it was because the Lord has a purpose for me right now to be single and focus on my ministry. If I had a relationship then my focus would be taken of the ministry that He has for me and placed on the relationship and then my ministry would suffer horribly.

These are just two of the areas where I know God has put these situations in my life for a reason, and when I think about it, it is so convicting and makes me want to strive to be content with God and doing what He has for me--single or not.

Stay tuned...

left behind...

Have you ever felt as if the world was moving on without you? Have you ever felt like you a ready for the next step, but are stuck where you are? Have you ever felt that you are ready to move on but just can't?

Right now I am in a situation where I feel like this. I don't know why! I know that the Lord's timing is perfect and I know that in my weakness I am made strong, but how do I take that knowledge that I have in my head and transmit it to my heart.

Today in church Daniel Henderson preached on prayer and he talked about how when we are going through trials and temptations we pray them away or most times give in so we don't feel the full extent of the hardship. Well I know that what I am going through right now is SO little compared to what Christians in various places around the world are going through, but I know that I want to get through this through Christ. I don't want to take the shortcut. I know that it seems like I am wishing torture upon myself, but really I see it as God pulling me out of my comfort zone. I have been too comfortable for too long.

I know that what I am feeling is nothing novel and that there are tons of people who feel the way I do. I know that this may not even be the proper place to vent my feelings, but I had to have an outlet. I know that in Christ everything is possible and if I delight myself in the Lord then he will give me the desires of my heart because when I delight myself in HIM His desires will be my desires. I won't want anything unless I know it is His will. Just something to ponder.

Stay tuned...

Home Sweet Home

Being back with my loves has been SUPER wonderful. It is very rare that you find people that you can trust more than your family and that you would spend as much of your freetime as possible and not get sick of these people. I know that I talk about my friends a lot, but they are pretty much the greatest and what we have is completely different from anyone else in the WHOLE world. I am so beyond blessed to have them in my life. I honestly cannot really picture my life without them. We have been with each other when we have gone through various trial that would make a lot of people run away. We have been through a lot in our friendship. Boys coming and going, engagements, a wedding and so much mnore. We have our ups and downs, but we seem to get through them, even if it is just by the skin of our teeth. We have our biggest challenge coming up. Not only is one of my friends getting married but she is moving away. Not too far but far enough. I know God put these women in my life fore a reason and that we will make it through stornger. Growing up is hard to do. But it is in God's hands...stay tuned...

Prayer for 2010

So I have not always been known to stand up for myself. This is something that I am learning how to balance. I also tend to get stressed out when plans fall through. Today some things fell through and lately I have found out about some not cool stuff that has been happening in my family. Well, in my stress I brought up the issue that has been causing a rift with my father and step mother. Well my step mother took it out of context and apparently portrayed the situation in a different light to her daughter. Now the daughter's boyfriend is upset because he may have to learn to be slightly responsible. I don't want to slander these people at all so this is where I will stop with my discussion of them. I just get very frustrated when I come home and so much stuff happens. Anyways, I will be back in the place I truly love. I don't want to run away from problems and in situations like this I feel like there is so much more I could do to share Christ with these people (they are not believers) but because of my human shortcomings I fail. I hate this so much. I really just want to bring God all glory honor and praise, but I am constantly failing. I hate this. I know that I said that before, but as someone who wants to spend their life pouring into the lives of others I know there are some things that I need to work on and the balance of voicing my opinions and being considerate of others is a major thing that I need to work on. This is my prayer for 2010, that the Lord will grant me the wisdom and strength to hold my tongue like it talks about in James 3 the tongue can be the hardest thing to tame and while it is so little it controls so much. This is one thing that I need to be working on this year and in years to come, but I know it will not come apart from lots of prayers. I want to have callouses on my knees. These are my thoughts for the night thanks for letting me have this deep emo blog...hopefully there won't be many more so emo...stay tuned...

I think I have an addictive personality

Okay so I will never drink alcohol or try any drugs because I have a knack for seeming to get addicted to things...my newest addiction you guessed it... this blog...unfortunately I just tried this out because I wanted to figure out how to follow my friend Sarah and then I just tried it... so as cliche as i am right now blogging while listening to Owl City (not fireflies mind you).

Upon some recent conversations with some friends it has caused me to see how much friendship is valued in my life. Honestly I probably value my friends more than my family. I really do have the greatest friends and coincidently two of them are the only two people who read my blog, but that is okay...I least I can be the waste of five minutes of their lives while I am not there in person with them.

So I have knitted three scarves over break...this how much of a rockstar i am....end blog...stay tuned...