Gotta roll with the punches.

I feel like the Lord is working a lot in me and I want to share these happenings with you. First I want to say that I am 21 years old and have never kissed a boy, had a relationship with a boy, or really any experience whatsoever with a boy. Well, in May of 2010, I got to experience what it was like to have a close friend that was a boy. As the year progressed we became closer and closer and spent more and more time together until we were always talking or together and became essentially best friends. Well, I now have a theory that guys and girls should not be friends, at least close friends. Things happened emotions were running wild and an ill thought out show of affection occurred. I can still boast that I have not kissed a boy or done anything immoral. However emotional lines were crossed and I have learned the hard way that when that happens things cannot go back to normal. I tried for a while to put my feelings to the side, but finally enough was enough. This boy made perfectly clear that my feelings were not reciprocated. It really hurt me because I felt I poured a lot into the friendship. I am not a half in half out person. I am full-fledged in everything I do. A frustrating thing is that I knew all along that if I actually did have a romantic relationship with this boy it would not be God's best for me. He is an amazing guy, but I know that God has something different for me. It just took a heartbreak of him telling me he didn't feel the same intense emotions towards me that I felt toward him. He had told me in the past that I was funny that I was smart that I was easy to talk to. So I couldn't understand what the problem was. I began to irrationally wonder if it was my lack of good looks or my extra pounds that made my "love" unrequited. So, I had to do the hardest thing I have done in a while and completely end it. It has been a rough few days, but I know that the Lord has a plan. He has already taught me so much through this.

As I was typing this I began to think how many times does God bless us so immensely and we just cast Him aside. We use Him to fulfill our wants and desires, and then we kind of cast him to the side. How many times does God tell us of His love for us and we leave Him for someone else. I know how hurt I felt when I was on the receiving end of that situation, but to God large quantities of peoples treat God like this and to a higher standard. In my situation I had to let go to guard my heart for me, for the boy, for my future husband, and ultimately God. We are supposed to serve Him with a pure heart untainted by the things of this world. The thing that is so awesome about God is no matter what, He doesn't leave us. He doesn't need R and R. He stays around despite the neglect of what He wants from us. Oh, to be able to learn things the easy way would be way less heartbreaking, but it would probably not be as profound.

Every Semester, New challenges

Ever since I stepped foot onto Liberty University's campus, my life has be change after change after change. At first it was living on a hall that had about as many girls on it as were in the town I lived half my life in. The next was weeding through friends. In college girls typically seem to cling to their roommates until they get sick of each other. In my case, my roommate just started making poor decisions and I realized that at the point I was in my faith that I needed to be surrounding myself with like-people. God blessed me so much by giving me some of the best friends any one could ask for. Seriously those best friends you see in the movies had nothing on us. We literally told each other everything, encouraged each other, shared what the Lord had been teaching us, etc... Being blessed with those friendships will always have me looking back at freshman year with such fondness. As sophomore year came along my group of friends were assured that since we had found each other and would all be living on the same hall that we would have fewer problems, boy were we wrong. Three of the girls had boyfriends and two of us were left wishing we did. Through out the year break ups happened, crushes, first kisses, mistakes, and proposals were made. This year also was when my mom passed away. Seriously this year was amazing because I feel that it strengthened our friendship and I saw truly how blessed I was to minister and live with these girls, but there also started to be some strain toward the end of the year. The summer was filled with fun and friends going separate ways. Finally after being apart for a few months we came together for the nuptials of our dear friend Sarah. As we came together, we knew that the summer had changed us. Some for the better, some for the worse. It was a bittersweet time because we were reunited, but only to have our best friend "leave" us in a sense to be married and leave our carefree single life behind so that she could live with a boy and take on a different calling from the rest of us as a wife. During the first semester of our junior year things were not easy the transition from living together and always being able to be together to scheduling time to hang out to understanding that just because Sarah was married, it didn't mean that she abandoned us. We were still best friends and more break ups happened, another engagement and even one of the previous singles got her first boyfriend. After getting past the awkward period of growing into our new friendship, we seemed to be stronger that ever, well at least some of us. One of our dear friends was slipping away. After Christmas break everything would change. It was a hard time, but the rest of us drew closer together. It was a time to realize how important we were to each other. We knew that our friendship was unique; we just had to figure out how hard we were going to fight for it. The summer after junior year started off a little strained. Some of us had gotten closer while some of us seemed to be more distant. In the middle of the summer our beloved Brittney was wed. It was pretty difficult because we were best friends but Kristina, Sarah, and I felt very disconnected from her new life. However as the summer went on we were able to reconnect and understand that life can be stressful and we have to constantly be going through change as much as we hate it. Finally we reached our senior year, having seen each other through so many situations that people wouldn't deal with in a lifetime of friendship. We had been friends for not even four years. Brittney moved farther than just a few miles out of town, Kristina graduated, Sarah was balancing school, work and being a wife. I was in my last year of college and learning to handle new responsibilities. Again strains happened in relationships. Things were said that hurt each other because we were hurting. Eventually as the Lord has done throughout our friendship, He healed us and brought us back together. Currently now, we are yet again in another change. Kristina left for Romania after her and I strengthened our friendship this last semester. Just being their for each other in the hard issues that were going on in our lives and even just to be completely random and immature. Sarah is still balancing everything, and her and I are still close. We have the friendship where we can gab hours about nothing and then go and read and not say anything to each other for hours and it not be awkward and be perfectly content. Brittney is farther away and we don't get to see her as much as we want, but we know that the bond we have with each other is something that the Lord has blessed us with and is worth fighting for. Lastly I am in my first semester of seminary and going through life not with out heartache and struggles, but one thing is for sure God is so good and no matter what He has blessed me more than I deserve. I am excited to see what He has in store....Stay tuned...