How Great is Our God

So...I just want to say that our Lord is amazing. I am human and unfortunately there are times when I won't look to God first to satisfy me. This is something that is hard for me to swallow, but if I am brutally honest it is true. My hearts desire is that I would be fully satisfied with Him, but how can I, when I am constantly seeking approval of man and worldly things.

All of this to say I love how the Lord fights for us when we go astray. I am not saying that I have completely ventured of the path, but I had for some time been searching for something different to satisfy me than my Lord. It is difficult for me to fathom why I would do this when I know the truths, but as I alluded in my previous post, I have trouble transmitting it from my head to my heart.

Anyways to get on with it, the Lord has shown Himself so much in this week. For various reasons this week has been draining. It has been one of my most difficult weeks in a long time, but also God has shown Himself to me in innumerable ways this week. Maybe it is because I have been so broken and just searching for something of hope, I don't know. What I do know is, is that the Lord provides people and different situations to come into our lives that point us to Him or make us at least begin to understand the reason for the lesson He is teaching us.

My lesson right now: God is teaching me to find all my satisfaction in Him. I am in no way stating that I have found the secret to succeeding at mastering this lesson, but I know that it is something that I haven't been doing. I have been wanting to find my value in friendships, in ministry, and in a relationship. Several random instances have stuck out to me where they have convicted me.

The first: I am taking a class on marriage and family and my professor spoke of an author who was talking about how because of the fall of man and the curse that fell on women we desire our husbands to fulfill us in the way that only God can, and search for this and are found wanting because it is an impossible task for men. He pointed out that this was an effect of the curse, but it didn't have to be this way. It is not the way God intended it to be. This got me thinking. Do I want a husband because I think that he will complete me or satisfy me?

The second: One day I was feeling down on myself for being the only one of my close friends who is not in a relationship, and my friend Sarah brought up a wonderful point. It wasn't necessarily something that I wanted to hear, but after thinking on it, it makes sense and I guess I already knew it, but hearing her say it was something that I needed to jolt me into understanding. She pointed out that while I was the only one without a relationship it was because the Lord has a purpose for me right now to be single and focus on my ministry. If I had a relationship then my focus would be taken of the ministry that He has for me and placed on the relationship and then my ministry would suffer horribly.

These are just two of the areas where I know God has put these situations in my life for a reason, and when I think about it, it is so convicting and makes me want to strive to be content with God and doing what He has for me--single or not.

Stay tuned...

left behind...

Have you ever felt as if the world was moving on without you? Have you ever felt like you a ready for the next step, but are stuck where you are? Have you ever felt that you are ready to move on but just can't?

Right now I am in a situation where I feel like this. I don't know why! I know that the Lord's timing is perfect and I know that in my weakness I am made strong, but how do I take that knowledge that I have in my head and transmit it to my heart.

Today in church Daniel Henderson preached on prayer and he talked about how when we are going through trials and temptations we pray them away or most times give in so we don't feel the full extent of the hardship. Well I know that what I am going through right now is SO little compared to what Christians in various places around the world are going through, but I know that I want to get through this through Christ. I don't want to take the shortcut. I know that it seems like I am wishing torture upon myself, but really I see it as God pulling me out of my comfort zone. I have been too comfortable for too long.

I know that what I am feeling is nothing novel and that there are tons of people who feel the way I do. I know that this may not even be the proper place to vent my feelings, but I had to have an outlet. I know that in Christ everything is possible and if I delight myself in the Lord then he will give me the desires of my heart because when I delight myself in HIM His desires will be my desires. I won't want anything unless I know it is His will. Just something to ponder.

Stay tuned...

Home Sweet Home

Being back with my loves has been SUPER wonderful. It is very rare that you find people that you can trust more than your family and that you would spend as much of your freetime as possible and not get sick of these people. I know that I talk about my friends a lot, but they are pretty much the greatest and what we have is completely different from anyone else in the WHOLE world. I am so beyond blessed to have them in my life. I honestly cannot really picture my life without them. We have been with each other when we have gone through various trial that would make a lot of people run away. We have been through a lot in our friendship. Boys coming and going, engagements, a wedding and so much mnore. We have our ups and downs, but we seem to get through them, even if it is just by the skin of our teeth. We have our biggest challenge coming up. Not only is one of my friends getting married but she is moving away. Not too far but far enough. I know God put these women in my life fore a reason and that we will make it through stornger. Growing up is hard to do. But it is in God's hands...stay tuned...

Prayer for 2010

So I have not always been known to stand up for myself. This is something that I am learning how to balance. I also tend to get stressed out when plans fall through. Today some things fell through and lately I have found out about some not cool stuff that has been happening in my family. Well, in my stress I brought up the issue that has been causing a rift with my father and step mother. Well my step mother took it out of context and apparently portrayed the situation in a different light to her daughter. Now the daughter's boyfriend is upset because he may have to learn to be slightly responsible. I don't want to slander these people at all so this is where I will stop with my discussion of them. I just get very frustrated when I come home and so much stuff happens. Anyways, I will be back in the place I truly love. I don't want to run away from problems and in situations like this I feel like there is so much more I could do to share Christ with these people (they are not believers) but because of my human shortcomings I fail. I hate this so much. I really just want to bring God all glory honor and praise, but I am constantly failing. I hate this. I know that I said that before, but as someone who wants to spend their life pouring into the lives of others I know there are some things that I need to work on and the balance of voicing my opinions and being considerate of others is a major thing that I need to work on. This is my prayer for 2010, that the Lord will grant me the wisdom and strength to hold my tongue like it talks about in James 3 the tongue can be the hardest thing to tame and while it is so little it controls so much. This is one thing that I need to be working on this year and in years to come, but I know it will not come apart from lots of prayers. I want to have callouses on my knees. These are my thoughts for the night thanks for letting me have this deep emo blog...hopefully there won't be many more so emo...stay tuned...

I think I have an addictive personality

Okay so I will never drink alcohol or try any drugs because I have a knack for seeming to get addicted to things...my newest addiction you guessed it... this blog...unfortunately I just tried this out because I wanted to figure out how to follow my friend Sarah and then I just tried it... so as cliche as i am right now blogging while listening to Owl City (not fireflies mind you).

Upon some recent conversations with some friends it has caused me to see how much friendship is valued in my life. Honestly I probably value my friends more than my family. I really do have the greatest friends and coincidently two of them are the only two people who read my blog, but that is okay...I least I can be the waste of five minutes of their lives while I am not there in person with them.

So I have knitted three scarves over break...this how much of a rockstar i am....end blog...stay tuned...